Straight Talking

I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night and after that conversation ended, i kinda thought to myself, is this deja vu or have i had this conversation before with so many guy friends?

Upon further thought, it became clear to me that there was no need repeating the same conversation with the same group of people without actually letting those involved know about it. It is like whinging that the price of petrol has increased (again) and not doing anything about it. So here goes......................

LADIES.......................

How many times have we all heard you complain about the lack of good brothers?

Could the problem actually be; wait for it, you women? I can see the sharpening of claws and tongues going on. Before you cast me into the lions pit, read a bit further.

Let me start with the story of Andrew. At the age of 14 or 15, he gets enough courage to step to a girl he has had a crush on for a while. Kerry at this time, has the attention of the local bad boy that is a yr or two older than she is. Andrew one day, plucks up enough courage to walk over to Kerry to ask if she would not mind if he walked her home and talk with her. I bet all the fellas know what happens next cos we have all been there.

Kerry laughs in his face in front of all his friends and classmates, humiliating poor Andrew, cardinal sin of emasculating a guy.

One month on, bad boy treats Kerry badly because he never really liked her in the first place and during her state of sorrow, she comes across Andrew and believes this is more than a good time to take that walk with him because it helps to ease the pain she is feeling; another man is still interested in her but alas, Andrew is not having it. He is not ready to be the mumu that is the second class guy, the rebound fella so he does what Kerry did to him before, he humiliates her as well. A good guy has been turned bad. No young man grows up thinking, i am going to be a playa! Believe it or not, he is the product of an earlier encounter with a girl.

Ladies, follow me on another journey as we take a look at Robin. Robin is a jambite, green nose freshman in uni and he spots a really nice girl. He starts to chat with Jane, a freshman/jambite as well. One day, Robin was walking Jane back to the room on campus (after paying for her dinner) when a car pulls up next to them. Steve, a third year student that happens to be a club/frat boy beckons to jane to enter the car and without second thoughts about Robin, she jumps in and they drive off. You see, Robin cannot afford to drive a car on campus and he is not a club/frat boy but what he lacks in those "qualities", he makes for in integrity, sincerity and honesty but those are not qualities women look for?!

Robin is left with a hole not only in his heart but also in his pocket. From that day on, Jane becomes a big girl on campus cos the guy whose attention she is enjoying for the moment is a club/frat boy with a car.

When frat boy finishes with Jane, we know what happens next. Ladies you know the rest. It has happened to someone you know.

Meanwhile, Robin swears to himself that he will never be humiliated like that again so he too goes after a car and becomes the club/frat boy that disrecpects women and treats them with comtempt.

What i am about to write will put me in trouble with the "league of brothers" but i have seen too many female friends go through life without understanding the most basic of dynamics in the boy/girl relationship so hear goes;

Do not emasculate a man! That is it. The holy grail of answers to the one burning question in the heart of many women.

I hear the wrong set of women bellowing "can't you handle a strong woman, a woman that goes after what she wants, damning the consequences?"

I laugh. I laugh in the face of that rubbish because i know of no "stronger women" than my sisters but they unlike many, understand that unless you want to re-wire a man (which you can never achieve), you have to understand the fine balance of strenght against aggression. Too many women today do not know where to draw the line and mistake their aggression for strength. Emasculating a man is the greatest sign of aggression towards the man.

Nowadays, i hear this rubbish called "girlpower" being thrown around as a way of encouraging women to forget the true values that make them "Ladies" and behave in the same way as the most vile of men behave. This is not strength and there is no power in that. True strength comes in being able to display the right "qualities" while being "strong" enough to discard this modern rubbish of doing whatever you like, whenever.

I have a lot of respect for "strong" women that pursue goals and are high achievers who understand that (for most women), the respect and adoration of her strength by her family is more important than the acclaim of the lonely bra burning feminist that want nothing more than for other women to be as lonely and miserable as they are.

One of the people i hold up as a role model happens to be a friend of about 24yrs, whom i believe is a yr younger than i am. She is a true inspiration with the things she has done and achieved in her life. She embodies all that is right about what it means to be a "strong" woman while understanding that lifting up those around you is by far better than telling them that "if you can't deal with it, you know where to go." As much as she has achieved, she does not hesitate to listen, stand to be corrected and learn.

Heaven forbid you try engage some sisters in a conversation/debate about an issue nowadays, you are in trouble for not just saying "yes dear" bacause women nowadays want men they can push around, deny it all you want.

How many women actually understand that the more you push a man, the less you get?
On too many occasions it has been made clear that the less you push, the more you get. A man will always do that which you want to please you, if you are less pushy.

Stop, i hear the brothers saying. I am giving away too much but i feel that the more we are all able to learn, the more likelihood of reducing the ever growing number of divorces in the African communities.

Finally, women, if you take nothing away from my ramblings, understand this, and i am speaking from a man's angle, the success of a relationship/marriage is in your hands. The way you choose to handle every aspect of your relationship especially the increasingly sharpened tongues, decides if you will remain happy or become a statistic.

Understanding that you will be "stronger" for doing that which on the surface makes you look weak but actually gives you control surely is the way forward.

Think about it.

P.S I am only a voice of reason, not an enemy of progress.